Sugar Addiction and Valentine’s Day (Day 358)

Last night, we met some friends at a bar. The couple who planned the night live on the West Coast and were here for a whirlwind college tour weekend. With one night in town, they invited some friends to come out and see them.

It was a bitter cold night. So cold that the bar, which is usually packed on a Saturday night, was practically empty. Every time somebody entered from the outside, a blast of wind came in, making us question why we also hadn’t stayed home in front of the fire.

One couple, who was expected, texted that they were on their way, but only the husband showed up. He explained that he and his wife were on the wagon for the month of February and his wife said it would be too hard to come to a bar where everyone was drinking and not end up having a drink. Briefly, I was annoyed that she didn’t come. I like her and was looking forward to seeing her.

But I get it. Not so much with alcohol, but with sugar. I could go to a bar and not have a drink, but I have difficulty going into an ice cream shop and not, at the very least, tasting the product.

I’ve been avoiding sugar lately. I know how it works for me. If I eat a little, then I spend the rest of the day wanting more and eventually giving in to something small, maybe a few chocolate chips or a spoonful of ice cream. Which leads to wanting more, giving in more, next time to something bigger–a cookie–which leads to wanting more.

Please explain to me why, after dinner tonight, I decided to respond to my husband asking if there was any dessert in the house with “I’ll make some cookies.” I’d like you to think it was some sort of Valentines gift to make him happy. My daughter had arrived home after four days away, so maybe it was my doing something that would make her happy.

The reality is that even though I’ve been avoiding sugar for a couple of weeks, last night I had a couple of chocolates. Roses and chocolates had been delivered on the 13th since my husband and I had planned to be away from the house on Valentines day. We got home from seeing our friends and that little box of chocolates cried for me. So I ate one, and the cycle of sugar neediness was set in motion.

Now, I have to dial back, remind myself that there is a reason why I’ve been avoiding sugar. Set it in my mind that for at least tomorrow, I will not eat any sugar. Like many addictions, I can only see one day at a time. I’m preparing myself as I write this, as I write this with the smell of fresh baked Tollhouse cookies in the background.

Maybe I should brush my teeth now so I the cookies won’t taste good, which will make it easier to avoid them. Or maybe, I should start my no sugar plan tomorrow, and enjoy the fruits of my after-dinner labor.

In other words, have a cookie or two.


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