Yes. I made popovers.
It was my daughter’s final dinner with us before heading back to school. I also made a Kuri squash soup that was a-maz-ing (if I don’t say so myself) and a kale and shallot saute. Since I wasn’t home for half of her visit, it was the only home-cooked meal she got (except for the ones she made.)
This is what I’ve come to understand. While my daughter enjoys spending time with us, we are now the people she visits. The home she grew up in and we live in is the place she comes for some vacations. College is now home. It is where she lives with the people with whom she lives. It is where she goes home at the end of the day. It is where she is able to be herself.
This makes me sad and happy at the same time. I want her to find her way. I want her to figure out what she wants and needs and how to go about getting those things. I want her to live her life. But . . . just because I want these things doesn’t mean it isn’t hard for me to watch her go. She has been an integral part of my daily life for 18 years. I loved having her there, most of the time. I haven’t quite gotten a handle on the fact that part of our lives is over.
There will be new connections between us. I’ve already seen flashes of them in our encounters over the last year and a half. We are moving in a healthy and happy direction.
But goodbyes are hard, especially when they aren’t only about going back to college.
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