(photo credit: Fat pigeon in Melbourne by Ares Nguyen on flickr.com. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/legalcode.)
None of my clothes fit.
This has been going on for awhile now.
But over the summer, I ignored it by wearing flouncy sundresses almost every day. Extremely flouncy. Thank you Urban Outfitters.
I made myself stand on the scale this morning. What a stupid, stupid idea.
I’d gotten so used to my flouncy clothing and barely glancing at my body when I walked past a full length mirror that I’d begun to believe, or at least convince myself, that I hadn’t actually gained weight. My body was readjusting, as many women’s bodies do at my advancing age.
Here is the conversation I had in my head last night, when I couldn’t fall asleep:
Should I give in and try Weight Watchers?
Why not? You haven’t been able to control your food intake on your own.
But I find the idea of counting calories (or points) ridiculous. I know it helps people lose weight but then you are paying so much attention to the details of what you put in your body that it becomes your major focus. The last thing I want is to use my energy worrying about whether or not I’m going over my point allotment. I have mountains to climb and streams to ford. (I didn’t actually say this to myself. I’m not sure I even know what it means to ford a stream. The line is there for emphasis.)
Then do one of those other programs. What about that book you read about how the only real way to lose weight and keep it off is to go deeper than keeping track of how many calories go in and how many calories get burned moment to moment? It’s all about self-love.
Intellectually, I believe that is true, but the reality is that I need to drop some weight. I’m beginning to enter unhealthy territory. I may already be there. So? Give Weight Watchers a try?
Do you think you can follow the directions? You do tend to rebel against all and any rules.
I’m not an idiot. If I put my mind to it, I can do what they say, at least for awhile. And after I drop some weight, I can reassess whether I want to continue on this path.
If you say so.
I say so.
And then I finally was able to go to sleep. And when I woke, I stepped on the scale.
So I joined Weight Watchers. I’m trying not to be resistant to the structure of the plan.
Today, I tracked my food and activity. Today, I realized that I use more olive oil than will ever be allowed on this plan. And bread may be out of the question for a few months. But I fixed it so I could have rice with tonight’s dinner.
Rice is a beautiful, beautiful food.
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