When You Have To Break A Promise (Day 53)

(photo: A few weeks ago, I made this picture out of juice pulp. It’s the first pose in the Bikram yoga series of 26 postures.  Half-Moon Pose. Ardha Chandrasana.)

This has not been my favorite week.

It started well. Last Friday, I met up with a close friend whom I haven’t seen in months, despite our living a few miles away from each other. We spent a few hours catching up, reconnecting. All good.

Except for the dull pain in my head that almost kept me from leaving the house to see her. I had spent the entire morning in slow motion, only doing what had to be done. The bare bones. I brushed my teeth and took a shower. That took four or so hours.

By the time I arrived back home, I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t pinpoint what it was. The start of a bad cold? Another sinus infection? Lyme disease? Mono?

It ended up being the flu. Or at least that’s what I think it was. For the first few days I could barely move. But I also couldn’t sit still. I was so uncomfortable. I couldn’t focus enough to read or even watch TV. I couldn’t sleep despite my body’s unbearable fatigue. And Advil didn’t begin to touch the depth of my headache and body aches.

For once, I had a busy weekend planned. Had to cancel everything. I didn’t have a choice, unless I wanted to share the joy of my sickness with a whole lot of other people. My cough alone would have sent people running.

Yesterday, I finally went out of the house. I tried to take the dog for a walk. We went about a quarter of a mile and turned around. Back home, I crashed. Slept for a couple of hours from all of that exercise.

Today is a little better. I ran some errands. Saw people other than my husband and daughter. Was able to contain my cough. Most of the time. The lady behind the desk at the post office scolded me for going out with a cough like that, but she’s always giving me a hard time. It’s how she survives her job.

Once you start to feel better, you start to remember all the things you missed while you were sick.

Most of them I can let go. Some of them will require extra work to meet deadlines.

The one thing that is hardest to make peace with is that I was in the middle of a 30-day Bikram yoga challenge. I can’t pick up where I left off. The whole point is to do 30 days in a row. So if I want to do the challenge, I have to begin again. And right now, I am pretty weak. Don’t think I’ll get back to yoga for at least a few more days.

I was so excited to complete the challenge. It was a promise I made to myself after doing it last year. I was going to try to do it every April. It stinks to fail, even if external circumstances made it impossible to continue.

So, for the time being, I’m doing a few breathing exercises. Tomorrow, I may try a few basic yoga poses. Next week I’ll be back, but I’m not sure my body will be ready for thirty days straight.

Maybe I’ll do a 30-day dog walk challenge. That shouldn’t be too difficult.


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6 thoughts on “When You Have To Break A Promise (Day 53)

  1. From the little bit I know of you from WANA and from this Year Long Blog Challenge, I think you set some pretty tough goals for yourself. There is probably a lesson to learn in here – something about giving yourself permission to be still.

    I hope you start feeling better soon, but when you do, give yourself at least a week of Taking It Easy. A flu is not to be taken lightly. If you must challenge yourself, do the dog walk challenge. FIVE MINUTES. As for yoga, lie on your mat. That corpse pose. This is your week to be still. That’s the challenge.

    1. Brilliant advice, Suzanne. Your goals may get redirected, but it’s all in how you frame it. And Sara, I hope you continue to feel better!

      1. Every day is a little better. And I agree with Suzanne and you. A shift in the way things were planned but not having to throw out the baby with the bathwater. (that was some strange metaphorical bs)

    2. I DO like to set challenges for myself. Didn’t realize it until recently when a friend pointed out all of the “challenges” I had going at that moment in time.

      I think our bodies are pretty wise and mine is telling me to be quiet for a while. Truthfully, I can’t help but follow because I am so exhausted and keep needing to sit down (or lie down).

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