Why am I always the last to know?
Had somebody warned me of this I would have stopped long ago. Or so I say. But I know myself. I wouldn’t have believed it. I would have thought that I was just looking for an excuse to slack off, and I’m always fighting that demon since I am quite skilled at finding excuses to slack off.
But this is no joke. Quite serious business, so I’d like you to turn off the music AND the TV. Don’t turn off the computer because you are probably reading this online. But, put the rest of your work aside. Cut out all distractions. For a minute. It is important that you don’t miss this.
Here it is: the God-forsaken truth. DOING LAUNDRY IS BAD FOR YOUR CAREER.
Yeah. I shouted that out at the top of my lungs (I mean fingers. And tips. I shouted that out at the tips of my fingers. Using the CAPS lock.) DOING LAUNDRY IS BAD FOR YOUR CAREER.
My fingers are tingling.
Don’t believe me? I have proof. Solid proof. Well, solid-ish. Based on analysis of my own daily habits. I’ve been watching myself, and jotting things down. On the days that I do laundry, I get considerably less work done than on the days that I ignore it. Avoid it. Don’t go upstairs (where the washing machine and dryer reside) between 7 am and 10 pm.
It is one of those undeniable facts. Laundry takes time. There is the gathering of the hampers. The sorting of darks, lights and colors. The putting of clothes in the machine. The adding of detergent or dryer sheets (although I did get this cool new thing that you put in the dryer. It’s a Bounce bar that works like a dryer sheet and only has to be replaced every three months. Man my life is boring if I get excited about dryer bars. :() Then there is the waiting, the pulling out and hanging of the clothes that need to be hung after a quick whip in the dryer. The removal of the clothes from the machines, putting more in. The folding. The pain-in-the-butt folding that if avoided for too long, leads to ironing. Which is definitely bad for your career. Really bad because you might burn your hand and not be able to type, and if you’re a writer like me, you’re screwed.
Most people do their best work when focusing on one thing at a time. The whole multitasking gig is a scam. If you try to do too many things at once, you don’t go very deep. And in my case, all the enjoyment gets sucked out of the job. If I have to stop to move laundry from washer to dryer while I’m in the midst of writing a short story, I get confused and I find it particularly difficult to get back on track after the laundry break. Because I might have seen that my bed needed making or the kitchen floor needed to be swept. Damn dog brings in leaves by the paw-ful in the Fall. Still love him, but could he wipe his feet before he comes back inside? Simple manners.
Lately, I’ve been using my husband’s office in the mornings. He’s always on the road so why not take advantage of the space? And it’s only three miles from home. When I work in his office, I get an amazing amount of work done. I attribute that to the lack of a washing machine and dryer. And to the fact that my cutie-pie dog isn’t dropping his ball at my feet every two seconds.
Now I feel bad. Sorry puppy that I haven’t been there to play fetch with you the past few mornings. I promise to play more with you at night. Oh who am I kidding. I drink wine at night, which makes me
lazy relaxed and not likely to chase you around the house.
So, I end where I began. Laundry is dangerous. What happened to the days when people wore their clothes several times in a row before taking them to the river to be cleaned(with a galvanized washboard?) I’d much prefer to go down to the water’s edge to get my washing done. I wouldn’t prefer to wash my clothes there, but I love the water. And I could bring that sweet dog of mine and throw his ball out so he can go fetch. He’s a Portuguese Water Dog. The guy needs to swim.
p.s. If my husband or daughters are reading this, can you please take care of your laundry. You wouldn’t want my work to suffer, would you?
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